WINDS OF CHANGE

Twenty five years ago, armed with year-old jobs in the same public sector company, the two of us decided to take the plunge- literally. Families agreed and without much ado the nuptials were solemnized. Neither of us had much leave accrued and therefore no plans for honeymoon were made…no leave and no money. Today’s kids will look baffled…and their mamas and papas will faint… not going to LA or Paris or Venice not even to Maldives or Thailand? There weren’t too much expectations, no conditions were laid…perhaps that’s what kept us going.

In those days weddings were a simple affair –there was definitely a variance in the degree of celebrations- but more or less everybody got married in a similar way. The terrace or the courtyard of the house was usually the venue or at the most a big house or hall rented for a day or two. Resorts and 5-stars were a far cry. Bengali grooms still arrived in ambassador cars wearing dhoti kurtas (even if it was for the first time) and not sherwanis or designer pull-up red and black dhotis. Brides were decked up by ‘didis’ and ‘boudis’ (sisters and sisters-in-law) with traditional ‘chandan’, ‘alta’ and ‘mukut’ since salons and beauty parlours had not made their way in every nook and corner. Red and maroon was the traditional bridal wear with a dash of golden zari -Bengali brides had still not been initiated into zardozi lehengas and intricate mehendis. All the ladies had ‘mogras’ on their braids and buns and not pink or golden streaks! The floral decorations were with ‘rajnigandhas’, and ‘juhis’(their fragrance could really induce love..believe me) not marigolds or white orchids dipped in blue and purple dyes …but nothing can be more hideous than artificial flowers strung on strands of golden and pink nets!!!

Everyone sat down to eat and Bengali cuisine was served till nearly every stomach exploded. Mouthwatering recipes of “Bhetki machher paturi’,  ‘potoler dolma’, ‘ galda chingri’r malaikari’ were highlights of the menu. Today it’s very different – you literally do a tightrope walk balancing your saree, shawl, clutch and a plateful of goodies as you saunter from the Thai to the Mexican and Mughlai counters and later crib about how you had to give the Chaats a miss because of your new Bomkai. But what I really miss is the father or the uncle of the bride inviting you to eat, the aunts of the house coming and asking how the preparations have turned out or ‘jamaibabus’ and ‘dadas’(brothers- in- law and brothers) of the bride or groom insisting that you have more. It is so very impersonal nowadays- you look at the watch, check the queue and decide it is the best time to load your plate.

Mashis and Pishis (belonging to the species ‘aunts’) start arriving a couple of days before the big day in their brand new starched sarees with red and gold borders. Those living outside the city landed up a week before. They stayed back too…so that the girl’s mother never felt lonely! There was a lot of     ‘PNPC’ (Bong abbreviation for gossiping and backbiting) behind closed doors but it was fun…today everyone is so indifferent…everyone is so busy…they just visit the venue for a couple of hours. No one today makes the “ananda  nadu” (a special laddoo made from rice flour, coconut and ‘gur’ specifically for weddings and thread ceremonies- do we even know the recipe?). ‘Bhien’ for mishtis are obsolete. In fact by the time we got married mithaiwalas or ‘moiras’ actually setting up their tools and wares to prepare  ‘sandesh’, ‘rosogolla’ and ‘gulab jamuns’ on the rooftops or courtyards of the wedding venues had already become unheard of..… but I do miss those garma garam ‘darbesh’ or the ‘kachagollas’ that were served straight from the kadais!

But it is the wedding cards that have taken a completely new look. In our time, you saw variations in the quality of paper, which could range from handmade to ordinary paper or in the font and the colour scheme, or at the most in the choice of the designs-whether one wanted to go in for the traditional butterflies and paisleys or may be a more artistic or offbeat motif. I am completely bowled over by the designer cards we get these days…some are as big as resume folders, others open like mithai boxes. We received one which actually had a hook and a frame and you could put it up on the wall! One looked like a Moghul tapestry while another carried the photos of the bride and groom and the ‘sowbhagyawati’ and ‘cheeranjivi’ even decided to print their qualifications. Not only are they getting bigger and brighter and more and more garish you actually have to hunt for the venue and the date  of the wedding in the midst of all the shayari  and details of the business houses owned by the bride and the groom’s families. But the best invitation was a Whatsaap  message that said, “My brother is getting married today, please come for the reception at Hotel Sea Rock at 7.00 pm”. Nice concept!

“The old order changeth, yielding place to new……”

When your wedding turns silver and so does your hair, if you decide not to endorse L’oreal or Garnier, I guess you are allowed the luxury of pure nostalgia ….sorry if I have hurt anyone in the process.

DS