The Prize

Hello Mr. Sen bol rahe hain?

Yes, but I don’t need any credit cards.

Sir, this is not a call for credit card but to tell you that you have won a prize. Congratulations Sir!

What prize? You think I am a fool who will fall in your trap. I never contested for anything and you will now tell me that $5 million will be credited to my bank account….Alibaugh se samjha hai kya?

No Sir, on 16^th of April you along with your family went to see Mowgli, the movie at Inorbit Mall.

Yes , so what?

You filled up a form after karaoke-ing the song Jungle Jungle baat chali hai pata chala hai, chaddi pahanke phool khila hai, phool khila hai. You have won the first prize and you are now entitled to…

Shut up! I know how badly I sing and you’re telling me I won a prize for it. Don’t fool me. I have lots of work to do than to waste my time listening to your bakwaaas.

Sir, ek baar listen to the prize and I am sure you will feel happy. This is no ordinary prize and we are a Fortune 500 multinational hospitality company doing our launch in India. We have just opened our first seven star hotel in Goa and your prize is a 2 day/2 night stay at the Presidential Suite on a twin sharing basis.

Twin sharing basis? Which means I can take my wife along as well. That's good.

No Sir. You will be going alone but the person sharing the room with you is a famous celebrity from Bollywood searched on the internet day after day.

Kya bakwaas hai? Main aisa waisa aadmi nahin hoon.

Tomorrow you will get the official invitation.

That afternoon, that evening, that night and the next morning with a heart thumping aloud, I waited for the invitation to come. It finally arrived. Normally I keep my cabin door open, but since this was ‘confidential’ closed it and, with the finesse of a surgeon, neatly opened the envelope. Yes the caller woman was correct. The invite read:

Congratulations Mr Sen.

Welcome to Hotel Exotica for a 2D/2N stay with me at the presidential suite. It will change your life forever.

With Love,

S

Bollywoord star with a name starting with S….Seepika Padukone- No. Sareena Kapoor- No. Satrina Kaif- No. Sangana Ranaut- No. Then who can it be? The tele-caller lady had given  the clue but I refused to believe it. So to end the suspense, I called the number given below to find out who was the Bollywood celebrity S. They said they were not authorised to disclose the name but it was not difficult to guess and anyone could guess it. To add to the confusion was the hotel name as the mind would read it as E_otica where the R replaced the original X….Men will always be men!

My business class flight tickets, hotel confirmation and pick up and drop- all had been arranged. All your life having sat next to women over 75 in trains, buses and air, having spent all your life with one woman for the last 26 years…..surely the itch is there in all men but opportunity as this never strikes and he remains the Loyal One Woman Man forever.

Boss at work was easy to handle…Sir going for a short vacation to Goa. Ok, enjoy self.

Boss at home was a different proposition where all your man management and leadership skills are tested and then you realize that Stephen Covey and his breed were theoretical masters….When Where, Why, How, Who and When….a lie for all six of the questions is not easy but we men master it over the years and….inevitably get caught as well and then as the Tanishq ad says how big will be the solitaire depends upon the size of your lie, folly and the state you are caught in.

I had two weeks of preparatory time. The first thing I did was to enroll into the Super Gym near the office with a super instructor who had to make sure four packs if not six appear in the given time. The guy was good, real good and he tried and tried hard and so did I try, try and try hard but by the mid-fifties wrinkles are easier to get but not the Abs plus getting these over your pot belly is even harder to get. My constant complaints to his boss ensured that the poor fellow went on leave by the end of week one, knowing fully well the false promise made by the owner, “Hum toh gadhey ko bhi ghoda bana detey hain, aap kya cheez ho!”

Next stop was the Palladium Mall near the work place where all the global brands were available under one roof. I had to be well dressed…dressed to kill. For once shopping was fun. My poor wife would plead with me to take her to the malls and I would make faces- glum and sad and almost had to be dragged there. Not today. Today was different. Swiping my cards bought myself a Burberry suit, Armani shoe….you name it, I had it. Just one bit of important clothing remained as I walked into the Jockey store. The Frenchie-man had to become Macho-man by wearing Jockey or Nothing. The pair I selected was the flashy one with designs made of the Serengeti Forest….felt The Complete Man.

Not since the mid-seventies when I lay my hands on the Hugh Hefner and the like magazines that made your eyes pop and at home would see them putting the huge Times of India as a cover, I picked out old editions of the Sanskrit manual from by-lanes of shady Colaba and brushed up my knowledge given by the sages of old.  This could only be read late into the night when the Boss at home had gone to sleep and I would sheepishly step into the study telling her with all the theatrical talent available that the Strategy Meet at Goa is killing me and have to do late night study of books and make presentations. Of course I covered the book with a brown paper and wrote boldly on top- Building a Winning Sales Force knowing her aversion to management books. This was a masterstroke in camouflage!

A day to go and one stop remained. This could not be done at the chemist near the house for they all knew you and knew The Boss even more. Waited till the last of the customers left and with a forced smile on my face, ‘woh dena’….as I played table on the glass top as I saw the chemist pull out the boxes. He put it in a small brown packet and asked for hundred rupees. Again I smiled and said ,’woh bhi dena’….’diya na, aur kya?’…árrey woh capsule, foreign wali’….the guy started laughing and said, ‘Uncle Maja Ma Cho!’ I wasn’t in any mood for such silly jokes as this was serious business I was doing. Quickly paid him and walked out now ready to conquer the world.

That night I couldn’t sleep. With her on my mind and the fear lurking what if I were to get caught, what if I failed to impress her after all she was the most desirable woman, someone who was searched more than the Honourable Prime Minister himself. Got up before the alarm went off and walked into the luxurious car with the famous Tristar on the hood waiting to pick me up. Landed in Sunny Goa….Oops what a give away…Sunny…and rushed to the Hotel Exotica where they had everything arranged…from a band to beautiful ladies with flowers and welcome drinks. I was royally ushered into the Presidential Suite which truly looked like the palaces of old. I had an hour to freshen up before S arrived. As I walked into the bathroom to have a shower, started humming, “aaj unsey mulakaat hogi…aamney saamney baat hogi…phir hoga kya, kya pata kya khabar.” Yes of course no one knew what would happen, how did the lyricist know about my state of mind…must be a genius.

Wrapped a bathing suit hanging by the door and walked to the Royal Bed waiting. Slipped into the blanket straight and poured myself a glass of Moet Hennessy. Then I heard a gentle knock on the door….my heart stopped…my vocal cords failed as I tried to say, ‘come in darling’. The door opened ajar as I saw S walking in….Sunny Deol…..Dharam Garam’s son! What is he doing here? Is he the S? The clue about day after day meant tareekh pe tareekh...OMG!! I fell from the bed with the champagne spilling all over the carpet. Somehow managed to get up and put forth my hand for a shake and remembered his famous dialogue, ‘yeh haat hnahin, hathoda (hammer) hai’….As he sat down on the couch, I excused myself to step out for a moment.

I ran and ran and ran till I came to the beach. Threw my bathing suit down and rushed into the rushing waves….I felt like drowning myself. Then I realized what a fool I had been to let my dreams take over my rightful judgement. After a while, returned ashore. Sat down in my Serengeti briefs…from Jockey or Nothing to Nothing but Jockey here I was a at Sunny Goa waiting for Sunny Leone, getting a Sunny Deol instead…Funny Sunny.

Looked up to the Creator, “Boss, kya panga hai is garib se?” Heard a heavenly voice softly singing Jungle Jungle baat chali hai pata chala hai, chaddi pahanke phool khila hai, phool khila hai.

SS