Three Idiots

This is the story of the Goldilocks Family of Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear. Set in the cold winters of Delhi, the time zones may differ but their foolishness remains legendary.

Baby Bear

She was about 3 years old and studying in the neighbourhood play school with an Anglicized name of St. Stephens where there was no trace of any Christian Brother or Sisterhood. It was a house converted into a school with almost all the children of the Bhadralok families of Chittaranjan Park doing their initiation into the world of education in this famed institution. Baby Bear was in Lower KG and just didn’t like going to school one bit. Often early in the morning she would make a sad looking face and the Grandpa Bear would jump to her rescue to tell the Mama and Papa Bear not to send her to school that day. While Baby Bear would miss the school quite often, there was her next door neighbour Boy Bear who was ever so enthusiastic that he would never ever miss a single day. Spurred by his ever charged up parents, this Boy Bear would return home to tell her how wonderful the day in school was. Baby Bear was hardly upset but slowly the two of them became the best of friends. They would go to school together and often come home together, the only difference was that while the Boy Bear would walk to and from the school, Baby Bear found the comfort of either Baba Bear or Granny Bear carrying her in their arms.

Baby Bear and Boy Bear made sure they sat next to each other in the class. They both found joy in each other’s company and often shared their kiddo jokes. One day while the teacher, Mrs Bhattacharya, was busy trying to teach the children elementary math, the two Bears were seated in the first row of their class. Suddenly, the Boy Bear decided to have some fun. First Boy Bear would put his leg on the desk, roll up his trouser and Baby Bear would hit him softly with a scale. Next Baby Bear put her leg on the desk, roll up her trousers and Boy Bear would hit her with a scale. This went on a couple of times and both were having a good laugh. Their laughter was reasonably soft so the teacher never realized what was going on behind her back as she continued writing numbers on the blackboard. Just then Boy Bear told Baby Bear to continue keeping her leg on the desk in front while he went out for a bio-break. She nodded her head in acquiescence. The teacher suddenly turned around and saw the sight of Baby Bear sitting in quite a posture without any sense of fear or shame of having done anything wrong. The teacher walked up to Baby Bear and with her wooden scale and gave two tight whacks on her sole. Sensing trouble, Baby Bear quickly removed her legs from the table and put them down. When things had got back to normal, Boy Bear reappeared and saw Baby Bear all red faced and on the verge of tears. The school got over and the two bears walked back, chatting and laughing with a Granny Bear unable to understand the joke.

Later that night Papa Bear and Baby Bear composed their first limerick:

I am Miss Bhatta, I am Miss Bhatta, I am Miss Bhatta-charya;

And I am so angry, I am so angry, I am so angry at Mritti-ka.

Mama Bear

Coming from Calcutta, Mama Bear always found Delhi winter the coldest of all places she had ever visited including Shimla, Darjeeling and even Rohtang Pass. The chill of Delhi’s winds would pierce through the bones and it often seemed the end of the world.  Like all Mama Bears, this Mama bear also loved going to shops and fairs. Annual visits to Pragati Maidan were a must. Wrapped in inners, thick cardigan bought from Mohini Knitwear Sale of the previous season and a Kullu shawl, Mama Bear with Papa Bear and Baby Bear in tow walked into the huge fair ground of Pragati Maidan. State pavilions were her favourites but one look into the Children’s Section was mandatory to pick up a toy for Baby Bear. There were many traditional toy counters and the Bear Family looked at them. A window shopping of all counters was essential before deciding which toy or game would Baby Bear like the most. Then there were these new age battery operated toys which were becoming a rage among kids.

The family went to one such counter where the salesman was showing a toy which looked like a dinosaur standing outside a cave. Mama Bear asked, “Kya khilona dikharahe ho?” (What toy is this that you are showing?). The salesman replied with a smile, “ Su Su Dinossur!” Papa Bear and Baby Bear heard it right but in the din of the fair Mama Bear couldn’t get it right. She again asked, “What is it?” the salesman again replied, “Su Su Dinossur!” Papa and Baby once again laughed aloud. Mama still didn’t get the joke so persisted in asking the salesman, “Show me what this toy is all about.” She was quite commanding in her voice and the salesman showed her the toy which apparently looked as if the dinosaur was facing towards the cave with his tail towards Mama Bear. “What does this do?” Mama asked. The salesman now had to demonstrate the new toy in town. He pressed a button near the cave, the dinosaur turned towards Mama Bear and then squirted water at Mama Bear. Embarrassed she turned red, realizing now what ‘Su Su Dinossur’ was all about. Baby Bear and Papa Bear just couldn’t stop laughing. They almost fell down on the floor holding their bellies laughing. Mama Bear took it sportingly and she too began laughing as did the salesman.

Papa Bear

Papa Bear was a thoroughbred Dilliwala and winter had no fear for him. He was quite a favourite of his class teachers in school for his back had helped many of them perfect the fine art of caning. Papa Bear was then studying in class 9 and he had a teacher who was simply unputdownable. Spelling was never his strong point and school teachers in the seventies never kept name plates on the table for children to know their correct names. One day Papa Bear, who was himself a Baby Bear then, was absent from school and asked his Papa Bear to write a note for the teacher. Papa Bear pulled out a white foolscap sheet, folded it neatly on top and side for the margins and began writing the leave application. “What is the name of your class teacher?” he asked. “Mr. Anus” said Baby Bear. “No, it can’t be. Are you sure that’s his name?” “Yes Dad, everyone in the class addresses him as, Mr. Anus. I have heard other teachers also calling him the same.” Reluctantly Papa Bear wrote the application and put it in an envelope putting the teacher’s name on the cover. No sooner had Baby Bear given the envelope to the teacher than he turned furious and shouted, “My name is Innis….spelt as I N N I S!” The love story with Baby Bear with Mr.Innis had begun on a bad note, one which Baby Bear was to rue for the next 12 months.

One winter morning, Papa Bear was sitting with his three close friends, Anil, Sunil and Sumit, while Mr. Innis was teaching English. He was asking one student after another to read a paragraph at a time from Radiant Reader. Papa Bear and his friends that day decided to have some fun. They agreed to make the other laugh when his turn came to read. When Anil stood up, Papa Bear poked him from behind and Anil started laughing while reading. “What’s so funny?” asked Mr. Innis. “Nothing Sir, he is troubling me from behind,” said Anil pointing a finger towards Papa Bear. “Stand up on the bench.” Papa Bear quietly stood up on the bench to the amusement of the class. Next Sumit started reading but Papa Bear softly told him a line from a Santa-Banta joke and Sumit couldn’t resist giggling while reading the passage. “Now what is the problem?” Again the blame fell on Papa Bear. “Stand up on the desk!” And Papa Bear stood up on the desk. Despite looking a fool, it never stopped him from again making Sunil laugh as he began reading the passage. “You Bloody Urchin…I will now teach you a lesson you will never forget. Take off your shoes and hold them in your outstretched arms. If your arms drop, I shall chuck my shoe at you!” he said as he took off his slip-on leather shoe. Papa Bear did what he was ordered but soon realized that his arms had begun to ache very quickly. He requested the teacher to allow him to take a break and said he was sorry for what he had done. Instead of pardoning the boy, the teacher went and opened up the classroom door. Now, not only did Papa Bear’s own classmates see him standing in crucified stature but children of other classes also came in large numbers to see the circus. Red he turned both in pain and shame but, when the ordeal got over, all the friends gathered round him, his sadness gave way to happiness and they all had a good laugh.

Only Idiots can laugh over their foolishness and move on, the intelligent ones take it to bed and stay awake. No wonder the Bear Family were tied to each other by an umbilical cord that cut across different timelines and geographies.

The Three Idiots take this opportunity to thank all our readers for having tolerated us and encouraged us as we kept on sharing our blogs week after week- some good, some fair and others completely obnoxious. It feels wonderful having completed a journey of 100 blogs in 100 weeks without a break. When we started off it was all fun but gradually it became like a commitment which had to be met at all costs. Today marks the 100^th episode and so we lift our pens saluting you on scoring this Century of Blogs.

MS, DS, SS