Tandav

Standing with one foot on the ground and the other folded to his thigh, eyes closed, hands tightly clasped on his forehead in perfect obeisance, wearing a loin cloth just where it matters the most, the devotee keeps on chanting the Lord’s name for six long days and nights. At last, the Lord of Lords hears his prayers and decides to pay a visit to his bhakt. He is wearing his tiger skin, has a trishul in hand with a dumru attached at the top and a snake coiled round his neck, riding a big black beautiful bull, the Lord is there in person and says…

Bol beta, tujhe kya chahiye.

And the devotee, coming out of a trance, opens his eyes and utters the first wish that comes to his mind….

Prabhu, bachey huye jivan mein mohe virus banayyo!

The Lord is stunned. Having been used to giving riches and lives to his devotees, this indeed is a strange demand. But the Lord has a reputation to keep. He grants every wish anyone asks of him, after all as the Creator, Preserver and Destroyer, he can make anything happen.

Why do you ask for such a wish, vatsa?

Now with his feet firmly on the ground and having sipped some divine drink offered from the kamandulu of the Heavenly Father, the man starts breathing easy and speaks his heart out.

From the time I was born, it was firstly my parents, then teachers at school and college and still later my family and bosses at work, all have asked me to do only good things. Don’t tell lies, don’t steal money, don’t eat sweets, don’t do this, don’t do that…..everyone has just been ruling me by telling me what I should not do and how being good will in turn result in good for me. Now, they find it easier to even quote the scriptures to say, kaam karo par phal ki aasha mat karo…just keep working without expecting anything in return….how nice to listen to, isn’t it? I am tired of being the good Batman all my life, now I wish to play the role of the Joker.

Why should you bring such misery to people? The virus can unleash unstoppable problems to all in the world. The wishes I grant usually make the devotee happy and in turn he brings happiness to me sitting atop the clouds. How will granting of this boon be of any good to me?

Hey Ishwar, the world has become far too evil and men are no longer afraid of anything. They plunder at will, destroy lives and nature and have turned selfish and away from the right path. When I get unleashed, I am sure they will start their daily prayers….prayers for safety and survival. When I am going from place to place, the evil men will stop their nefarious activities as they will be locked indoors. The same people who now bash up doctors and nurses at the smallest pretext, will start respecting them. They will value love and family, they will start becoming believers and start caring for people and nature. I will cleanse this earth of much evil and put the fear of death and misery in their hearts for them to start believing in you, my Lord. So my becoming evil shall bring in a period darkness, and this is when faith shall reignite and the people will change for good.

Mmmm…sounds different and interesting and worth a try. But if given a second choice, vatsa, what would that be?

Bhagwaanji, ‘given’ shabd se yaad aaya….Bachey huey jivan mein  mohe Captain of Ever Given banayyo!

What is that and why would you want to become a captain when I can make you general or even an emperor? I must say, you have some strange requests, unheard of before.

O Lord, you have not heard about Ever Given? It is a huge container ship going from China to the Netherlands. She flies a Panama flag, is owned by a Japanese company, managed by a Taiwanese company with a huge number of desi Indian crew members and gets stuck in the sands of the Suez Canal in Egypt. Then there is a Dutch firm of salvors who try to float it again and an English firm of Average Adjusters. It is almost like the universe in one place.

Courtesy Internet

So why would you want to be the captain of an ill-fated ship when you could have asked me to make you the owner of the most luxurious yacht or commander of world’s largest aircraft carrier?

Just think of what I can achieve…I will bring the world shipping through the busiest route carrying 12% of global trade to a grinding halt. Every day it will cost the world over $9 billion. Logistics and scheduling will go haywire and trade will initially slow down. My counterparts, sailing on other ships, will simultaneously block the other navigation channels like the Panama Canal, Bosphoros Strait, Malacca Straits….trade on the high seas will then get stalled completely.

What good will this do to you?

Hey Devon ke Dev, when trade will stall, the rich and powerful economies of the world will come down on their knees and that is when I shall strike a deal with them.

And what deal will this be, may I know please?

I will negotiate a deal on insurance and marine Insurance in particular because that is what I have done in the last thirty three years of my existence.

Mmmm…what is this insurance?

Sirji, Bima….protection against any damage.

I am aware of only Bheema and he was the protector of the Padavas against any damage by Kauravas. Yeh Bima kya cheez hai, vatsa?

My Good Lord, I will explain the principles and practice of marine insurance at another time but for now you must listen to my demand that I shall lay before the world economies. “Go and correct the marine premium rates with immediate effect.” You see the rates currently are so cheap, it is almost free. The marine insurers are a group of people fighting for their survival but each one of them outdoing the other in being reckless and wild and then there are these insurance brokers and clients who make them dance to their tune. This demand, if met, would mean survival of this small breed of people called Marine Underwriters. But if the demand is not met, as Captain of Ever Given and my fellow captains across the seas, we will ensure our ships remain grounded in the sands and do not move an inch. Bada mazza ayega Bhagwaan.Samudra manthan ek baar phir hoga. If this change does not happen, there will be many more bloggers like me on the internet with nothing better to do.

The Lord of Lords gets furious and starts his Tandav…the cosmic dance….first slowly and then goes into a trance. The dumru starts playing to the tune, the trishul starts tapping on the floor in rhythm and the snake starts moving in a beautiful pose with its head held high and wrapping its slim body around the Lord. The bull also tries to take a leaf out of the dancing scene but just can’t keep pace or the poise. After a while the Lord speaks up aloud…

Are you testing me, vatsa? I am now getting angry at the requests you are making. Is there something normal you can ask and I can easily give? This is your third and last call. If this, too, is as weird, then you can stand on one leg for the rest of your life and I shall not return ever. Confuse kar diya tuney! Dimaag ka dahi ho gaya!!

Sorry Bhagwaan. Let me ask you one last time and this time I will not disappoint you.

Ok…Bolo beta!

Bachey huey jivan mein mohe corrupted EVM banayyo!

Dear Lord, I want you to help me tamper with all the EVMs in this country. Just in case you do not know what EVM is, it is the Electronic Voting Machines that are used to cast votes and elect people to the so called democratic institutions like Sansad, Vidhaan Sabha and Vidhan Parishads. With your help, I will make sure in all elections, no matter what button people press, the end result will be NOTA which would mean that None Of The Above candidates get the mandate.

This sounds doable but what will it serve.

Prabhu, most of the people in the election fray are liars, corrupt and work only to fill their own coffers and those of their near and dear ones. They manipulate the system to rule and serve no one but themselves. They make people fight one against the other and in the last seventy five years have done more plunder than the colonists did in the previous two hundred years. Look at the state we find our country today. No one can feel proud and happy where we have landed ourselves, thanks to this breed called Politicians. You may then counter me by asking, who will run the country. To that I want to state, this country runs on Bhagwaan bharose even now, it will be no worse. Just repeating what someone called the Mahatma, whom people of this country have forgotten or subject him to ridicule, said in 1942 while launching the Quit India Movement…

“Leave India to Gods. If this is too much, then leave her to anarchy.”

Tathastu, vatsa!

SS