Sur Saadhana

As she stepped out of the aircraft at the Lal Bahadur Shastri Airport, she felt a sense of calmness and serenity. She wondered whether it was the air she was breathing in this holy city of Benaras or was it the memories of her past in this city that gave her a feel like no other place. She was accompanied by her son, Tirthankar, and daughter-in-law, Anusuya, who was six months pregnant. While the son carried the two cabin luggage cases, Sabita carried a copper kalash that she clasped tightly. It contained the mortal remains of her husband, Gopal, who had passed away after a prolonged illness at Kolkata. The dutiful son had planned everything well and the waiting cab took them straight to the luxurious Hotel Surya, Kaiser Palace. After a good meal, the trio went out to the place where all roads led….the Holy Ganges. They hired a boat exclusively for themselves and enjoyed the breathtaking view of the ghats, the pristine water and people of all hues crowding the banks. They witnessed the magnificent Ganga Aarti from the boat in the evening before retiring to the room.

Early next morning they went for a darshan of the Kashi Vishwanath Temple and then to the Dashashwamedh Ghat where a priest performed the puja, post which the kalash was emptied into the flowing waters of Ganga. Sabita had tears in her eyes as she saw the ashes flow away and a gentle hug from Anu comforted her. They sat near the water front for long without uttering a single word as they remembered the times with the man they all loved and respected. For Sabita, the loss was even greater. For the last two years, she had been nursing Gopal at home herself and doing everything, from making his juice to feeding him, giving him a wash and handling the bedpan. She did not want to leave him at the mercy of the professional nurses, so she even gave up her well-paying job in a government organization.  She would now be very lonely, for Tirthankar and Anu lived at Hyderabad, both working at a tech MNC.

After a while the family returned to the hotel. The young ones were keen to go and see the other historical and religious places in the city before returning to Kolkata next day and wanted Sabita to join them, but she said she wanted to be left alone. After the couple had left, Sabita went out of the hotel and started walking in the tiny by lanes of Benaras. Her Google Map App was working well and she soon reached her destination-Sur Saadhana Vidyalaya….the board outside the dilapidated building looked faded, but the sight of it made Sabita smile. As she was admiring the board, a man in a short white cotton kurta and white dhoti came and stood next to her. Sabita turned and saw a man whose face was radiating. He had curls of hair hanging down to his shoulders and his fair complexion and smile seemed out of this world. He softly asked….”What is it that you are looking for?”

Sabita touched her ear lobes in respect as she spoke, “This is the music school of Pandit Kailash Nathji. He is a famous teacher of Benaras Gharana and his fame is world-wide. Almost forty years ago, I came here with my parents and sang before Panditji who liked my audition very much and wanted me to join this residential Vidyalaya. But being the only daughter to my parents, they just did not let me join and slowly, my musical journey gave way to worldly life of office, home and children. I am here once again in the city for some personal work, so thought of paying a visit to Panditji, just to pay my respects to the great man.”

The man folded his hands and bowed his head as he spoke, “I am Gyan Prakash, son of Pandit Kailash Nathji, who left for heavenly abode about seven years ago. Now I run this Vidyalaya. I am touched by your love for music and respect for my father. Why don’t you come inside for some time and see the school?”

Sabita was overjoyed. She instantly bent down to touch the man’s feet but he immediately moved his feet away…."No don’t do it please. It is me who should be touching your feet.”

As they entered the Vidyalaya, a soft chorus of girls singing bhajans could be heard. The singing stopped immediately on seeing Gyan Prakashji till he signaled them with his hands to continue. Sabita felt as if it was only yesterday that she was here and she remembered every bit of the school distinctly. It must have been her deep desire to be here that the one off visit, decades ago, had left an everlasting impression on her mind. She felt the missing inner peace in her as the music filled the air. This is where I belong, she said to herself. This is my home and it is so good to be back.

One of the girls offered her water from an earthen pot in a steel glass and it tasted so sweet and cool. She was loving her presence here. She wanted to open her arms and go round and round in circles singing her long lost songs of love and devotion but did not want to look foolish before Panditji and the young girls who were observing her as they sang. She sat on a mat on the floor with Panditji seated on a wooden bench before her. Sabita felt overjoyed and just could not hold back her true feelings as she spoke her heart out…

“Panditji, it may sound foolish but I feel I should ask you once….can I join the Vidyalaya now? You can say no and I will not mind one bit for I know I am asking for the impossible.”

“Music is in real terms the purest form of worship of God. This cannot happen in a day. It takes lots of hard work, you have to undergo innumerable hardships, make great sacrifices and go through endless devotion to be able to acquire the ability to get close to your God. Once you are there, you are blessed forever and then nothing else matters. It is a long and difficult road and is best done when young. It is not that you cannot do it now but to turn back the clock, to start living a life of an ascetic after having been exposed to a good and comfortable life is all the more difficult, if not impossible. If my father approved of you, surely you must be a good singer but then to turn the clock back and lead a life of renunciation, isolation and abject poverty is not going be easy. Even for me, it will be a herculean task since all others in the Vidyalaya are young and can be moulded easily in the right manner. This task can be a challenge for both, you and me, but I am willing to give it a try.”

“Guruji, I want to do it and am willing to pay the price and lead a new life here. I feel I belong here.”

“Okay then. First go and tell your people at home and surely they will not agree with your decision. You will be cut off from them completely except a postcard that you can write once in a fortnight. No mobile phone, no laptops, no social media, no fancy clothes, austere food and minimal living amenities are what you should expect. I will open the door for you and you can give it a try. When you think you cannot continue and wish to return to your real world of friends and family, I shall not object. Not many can survive this life.”

Sabita returned to the hotel where Tirthankar was walking anxiously up and down the lobby, looking at his watch and the entrance door wondering where his mother had gone. They went to their room where the mother told the son about her wish to pursue her dream of learning music in its purest form and what Guruji had said about the living conditions there. The son got furious as he heard the price his mother would have to pay in trying to achieve her goal.

“No…No…No! This is simply out of question. I will not let you go and live this life. You are not in your senses. With Baba’s demise, you have also lost your brain and ability to think right. You do not have to stay alone in Kolkata anymore. You will join us at Hyderabad and let Anu and me take care of you. We will hire a good music teacher there for you and you can do your riyaaz and saadhana there without anyone disturbing you.”

Sabita was adamant. Anu spoke up, "Tirtha, Ma has worked all her life. She has sacrificed her wishes and dreams for the sake of the family. All her life she has worked so hard at office and at home and lived a life defined initially by her parents and then by her in-laws and finally by your father. She has never complained about it. Now she is free from all such bondages and wishes something for herself. Let us give her an opportunity. It is quite possible that she will not be able to adjust to the lifestyle of the gurukul after having lived in air conditioned rooms and cars and staying connected with friends and family continuously. She may just be back in no time. At least she will not have the regret of not having tried pursuing her life’s dream.”

“Anu, please don’t take her side on this issue. You may want to see your mother-in-law go away so that there is no interference in our lives but that is mean of you to even think of letting Ma live a life she just explained. It is like living in a jail. I will not let my mother rot there as long as I am alive.”

Before Anu could react, Sabita held Tirtha’s arm and signaled him to stop. “Anu is my daughter and you will not speak to her like that. I have made up my mind. I will return to Benaras after closing down all the accounts and legal matters. You will inherit everything. I will be sending a fortnightly postcard to Anu and shall keep you informed of everything. I know it will be difficult for you to lose both your parents all of a sudden but such is life.”

After a month, Sabita reached Sur Saadhana Vidyalaya with a small and simple suitcase and was welcomed by the other girls and Guruji. One of the girls took her to a small room on one end of the residential block. The room was big and had a big window but there was no fan above or a bed below. After putting her things down, she went to meet Guruji who explained her routine.

“Welcome to the Gurukul. We will initially work to cleanse your body and mind and then initiate you into the world of music. This would take three months. In the first month, you will be doing the most menial jobs of cleaning the floors and the toilets. In the second, you will be allowed to cook and water the plants and then in the third month you will be allowed to do Guru Seva where you can sit in the music classes but not be allowed to sing with the others. However, you can do the chores for me. This is the phase when you will be closest to being completely cleansed of all the worldly desires and vices and are ready to step into the world of music and devotion. On completion of the three months of a rigourous tenure, I shall give you diksha and your new life and journey shall commence. But as I said earlier, you will not last beyond fifteen days of the first month and if you do, I shall be the happiest person other than you to see you becoming a part of this gurukul and taking music to greater heights.”

Sabita nodded her head and went on with her prescribed routine. She was determined to succeed and nothing could stop her. She worked tirelessly from dawn till late into the night in cleaning up the floors and toilets of the residential building. She stayed away from the music classes and the absence of fan and bed was felt only in the first few days. After that she would be so tired that she would sleep off in no time and wake up on time without fail. Guruji would come inspecting her work from time to time and did not find one instance of her failing to do her job well. For Sabita, her sources of joy were twosome. One was the little girls who called her Didi and often tried helping her in her work and second was the occasional glimpse of Guruji. His presence was magnetic and the aura he emitted made her feel enlightened and joyous which was difficult to explain. When Guruji spoke, it would always be so respectful and graceful. Sabita told herself, if there is something to look forward to after all the hardship and saadhana, it is learning music from this man. I will not get deterred with anything and no problem will ever keep me away from my Gyan and my Guruji.

Sabita would write to Anu every fortnight. She would always be positive and speak how well she was and how much happiness she found in her new life. Anu too would send her a fortnightly postcard keeping her informed of every small detail in tiny handwriting trying to fit a big essay in a small space. By the time Sabita finished her second month, she got the news of the birth of her grand-daughter. That was one day she really felt like going home and being with Anu and Tirtha to hold the little angel close to her bosom, kiss her, love her and sing for her. But now having traversed the most difficult period, she could not waver one bit. Another month and then she would do what she was born to do. So she just went to the residential block and kissed many a girl there. The girls could not understand why their Didi was behaving so but they too liked being loved and kissed by a woman they felt closest to, after their mothers, at the Gurukul.

Slowly the days of the third month went by and Sabita could now sit in the singing classes and practice on her own in her own room. Her singing would liven up the residential block where she now lived and the girls would be enthralled by her range. Guruji, too, would come into the room quietly and sit in silence enjoying her singing. He knew, in Sabita, he had a disciple who would be next scion of the Benaras Gharana. The day of Diksha had come. Sabita found that a new saree and accessories had been kept neatly folded in her room as she came back in the evening from the class. She went for a proper bath in the Ganga, changed into the fresh new clothes and went to Guruji’s chamber. Guruji had everything kept ready for the puja with incense sticks burning and a small wooded fire lit as Sabita sat with folded hands and eyes closed while Guruji chanted softly the mantras in Sanskrit. The puja took long and then when it ended, Sabita bent down in complete devotion, put her head at the feet of Guruji who put his two hands on her head and asked her to get up. She got up and Guruji was the closest he had ever been to her and she looked into his eyes as he spoke…”Your pariksha is over and you are now initiated into the Gurukul fully. The only thing left is your Guru Dakshina.”

“I have nothing to give you Guruji.”

“Yes you have…” and in a flash wrapped his arms around Sabita’s waist and pulled her to him.

“No Guruji…No!”

But in the quiet world of the Vidyalaya, Sabita’s cries for help were lost and after a while she walked back to the residential block. All the girls were waiting for her there for they knew what Diksha meant. They went with her to her room and tried to hug her and console her but Sabita was completely stoned and showed no emotion. She even asked the girls to leave her but they stayed put there till dawn and all went back to their daily routine. Sabita, too, went to the class and acted as if nothing had happened and kept staring at Guruji who was trying to avoid her looks. In the late evening, Sabita went back to Guruji’s chambers once again. This time when the Guru embraced her, she was waiting and stabbed him in the back with a sharp kitchen knife. This time his cries could be heard by the girls waiting outside. Sabita opened the chamber door and let the girls inside. Then all of them went out together for a bath in the Ganga and hoped the holy river truly had the magical touch not just to cleanse but to heal their wounded bodies and souls. They hugged each other, cried aloud and then all dispersed to different places in the country.

Next morning at Benaras, the police were baffled at the death of Guru Gyan Prakash who had multiple stab wounds on his back. Who could have done this to the pious man who was loved and respected, not only in Benaras but beyond? The finger prints were far too many for the forensics to decipher. All the students of the Vidyalaya had vanished but the police could do little, as there was no register with names and addresses, no pictures, phone records of anyone and no witnesses to the crime.

Around the same time at Hyderabad, a bell goes ting tong and Tirthanakar is overjoyed to see his mother standing with her small suitcase. He calls for Anu and hugs his mother tight…."I will never let you go away from me even for one day now”…and started crying like a baby. From inside emerged Anu with the baby in her arms and gave the little one to Sabita who picked her up and kissed the forehead and started rocking her gently. “I will now sing and sing only for her, sing to get her to sleep, sing to wake her up and sing for her as she grows and glows.”

A year later, Tirtha and Anu were driving back from office and the All India Radio playing in the car announced....Vividh Bharati ke Sangeet Sarita karyakram mein aapka swagat hai....Welcome to Vividh Bharati's Sangeet Sarita program where we will listen to the rendering of Raag Malhaar by Sabita Devi....

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