The Laundromat

 I met a gentleman two months ago. He seemed hale and hearty and we sat down for a cup of tea and talked for some time. One month ago, got the news from his son that the same man is down with leukaemia. Recently got to know from his daughter-in-law, that the man is in critical state. 

That’s the fickleness of life- only certainty is its uncertainty. It means the end could come anytime so a man’s best laid plans and dreams of future vanish in no time. What should we do in the face of such uncertainty- believe in karma and just wait, pray and hope that life ahead will be good and the end peaceful? That is a good thought but have you thought of what you will leave behind when you undertake the final journey?

Should you consider the option of ‘death cleaning’? No, this is not a morbid thought but a way to clear the clutter of possessions, emotions and regrets and leave the world in peace, love and grace. This is not an original thought in the tiny head above my shoulders but based on a stray forward on social media which got me thinking and expanding the idea.Later, on checking, found that this cleaning of possessions concept is based on Margareta Magnussen’s book, “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning,” and is meant for people over sixty-five.

The first part of clearing the desks, drawers and almirahs of clothes, gifts, souvenirs and things that you really do not need and use today, is possibly the easiest of the things to clean. The way to go about is to objectively open up the spaces inthe house that stores the worldly possessions like clothes, shoes, accessories, furniture and mementos and segregate the ones that are hardly or ever used. Step two is to either sell what can be done or give them off to anyone who needs them,to people working at your homes, society and work place. If you cannot find such people in your circle of influence, then search out some NGO or self-help group that will accept the same and give it to the needy. Don’t worry whether the things will go to the right people or not. Just give it away, free up the space and feel light. 

Do this gradually… a shelf at a time, a drawer at a time and then cupboard by cupboard at a time. 

Simultaneously, to this physical cleansing is the resolve to resist from buying things you do not really need. Forget the lure of fifty percent off sale and taking to e-commerce for the best deal of the day. Buy what you really need. And then for the rest of all that stays behind or what you leave behind in terms of possessions, make a will. Do not leave it to your children to clean up the pile of clothes and goods nor would you want them to run around the courts solving feuds of property and wealth that should have been bequeathed as a natural and smooth transition. 

Now examine the other cleaning- cleansing of your heart. This is not part of the Swedish book. Cleaning of the heart would lead to clearing the space currently occupied by negative thoughts, ego, shame and hatred and make way for only good memories, good emotions and inner peace. This part will be truly challenging and may not be easy but then the end state should be your driving and compelling force as you power wash the devils in your mind and heart. 

The three steps to this ‘chamko’ cleansing are:

a.​To those people you may have hurt, go and say sorry;

b.​To those people who may have helped you at some stage in life, go and say thank you;

c.​To those against whom you have grudges, let go of the same and forgive.

The most important part of this activity is to draw up the three lists. Do it by writing it down on a piece of paper. If you are able to write it after rounds of scribbling, changing and editing, half the work will be done. And if you are going to tell yourself that you have no one to say sorry to, or no one to thank for, and no one to forget and forgive in the life lived so far, you obviously must be God for sure. Mind it, all our gods and goddesses had their failings and even they would be able to write down a few names against each of the actscommitted. Just make the list of the first three names for each of the heads. Saying sorry, thanks and forgiving the dead doesnot count. To them, you can do it anytime by just closing your eyes and conveying your heartfelt feelings. This, too, matters but for now work on the living lists. You need not even write down the reason for your putting down the names in any of the lists for that is very personal and only you should know why, what, where… offer no explanation or justification to anyone. This is very much your list and your self- accountability.

My Sorry List 

1.

2.

3.

My Thank you List

1.

2.

3.

My Forgiveness List

1.

2.

3.

Now after writing, start reaching out to one relationship at a time. Do not rush this like a check box because this is going to be mentally very taxing and only if you sincerely believe why the person is in any of the lists, will you muster up the courage to say those magical words. Go beyond the realms of shame, embarrassment and awkwardness to do this cleaning. If you think that speaking to the people after ages of the events that led you to put their names in your life’s list may be strange for both them and you, conjure up the person in your mind while sitting alone one day, speak to each one of them individually and reach out through the telepathic signals ofyour mind. That, too, would go a long way in putting your personal laundromat to good use. And as you do it, you will make space for purity of the heart, clarity of the mind and tenderness of memories.

Now with each act of doing away with the dirt, there will also be some extra void created. To fill this emptiness, start filling up simultaneously with something you may call, ‘the life list’. This involves adding to your life till the very end. Just two thoughts come to mind immediately.

a.​Help someone unknown without putting it out on FB, Insta and WA. Remember how we acted during the dark days of the pandemic- we all wanted to feed the hungry, render assistance in any manner to the sick and be thankful forwaking up every morning. This is very much doable and will leave you with a feeling of joy beyond words. Keep doing this repeatedly.

b.​ Start having some fun to life by knocking off some items of your ‘bucket list’. Every place visited, every food tasted and every activity knocked off from the list will fill the twin buckets of heart and mind with joy, satisfaction and inner peace. Do things that make you truly happy at no one else’s expense.

In the end, just wish to quote from the immortal lines of the song, Laaga Chunari Mein Daag by Sahir Ludhianvi who echoes somewhat similar feeling of a distraught person whose heart and soul have been soiled with worldly desires and wonders how he will ever be able to look into the eyes of his Creator when he meets him.

Kori chunariya, aatmaa mori 

Mail hai, maya jaal

Voh duniya more babul ka ghar

Yeh duniya sasuraal

Haan, jaake babul se nazarein milaun kaise….

 

Yes, each one of needs a good cleaning in their personal laundromat in this life before undertaking the journey to the next.

SS