Nau Baje ki Mail Gadi

For the last ten days the city and the country is in a state of lockdown. In days which look sad, gloomy and scary, you tend to be mentally down and yet work must still be done. But the world of work suddenly changed…WFH…Work From Home is the new acceptable and the official way. So sharp at 09.00 hours every day a mail would go to all my teams spread across the country. There was nothing official about it but just an informal way of staying connected with them and to bring a little cheer and lift their spirits. So here I am sharing some of those Corona Dialogues.

23^rd March 20

After the Janta Curfew and banging of the thalis last evening, I went to sleep, hoping to wake up fresh and charged to go to work on a wonderful Monday morning. But then something happened...

As I was snoring away to glory, I was woken up by someone shaking my shoulder. It must be my wife, I thought, ignored it, turned around and kept up with my sleep when I felt some water being sprinkled on my face.Now, this is too much, I thought, as I jumped up in bed, ready to fight with her and what do I see... a shapeless fluffy thing with a broad smile looking down upon me. With my hands I gestured...who are you?

Ha ha! Me Corona but You Daro-na

How did you come with all the trains cancelled, metro off, the rail and cabs not plying?

He he! I reach with the wind and the waves. Anyway you tell me, how was your Sunday, the day of rest?

SNAFU

What is that?

You seem to be all powerful Mr.Corona...Google kar ley tu?

Situation Normal All F...Up! What does that mean?

Everything seems peaceful but is actually chaotic...we are in deep s...!

Why do you say that?

The morning began well with me circulating my daughter's blog to all my friends but then there was no newspaper to read. Next, I could not go to the fish market. You don't know how difficult it is for us Bong Bhadraloks to be denied their greatest privilege of going to the fish market, picking up pieces one by one, checking the freshness of each piece and then finally bargaining and coming home a victor.

That must be a huge loss by the way you put it, but after that it surely must have been a relaxing day.

Relaxing...my foot. At 11am we had Zoom with Sanjay, Antony and the CBG gang which lasted till 1pm.

Oh so you danced for 2 hours...JhoomJhoomJhoom Baba as the song goes?

Danced not to any music for it was all work...you will not understand...facultative reinsurance, lap tops, VPN and of course some awkward discussions on some bad marine insurance policies. By the way I said Zoom and not Jhoom...it is a way to talk to people without being physically present...you too could have done it rather than come to me physically at this hour and spoil my sleep.

So you must have slept in the afternoon then.

What sleep...since the time you have come into our lives, we have all lost our sleep. After the first Zoom, had a long telephonic call with Gandhi.

Oh!You mean Mahatma Gandhi? Good to know he is still there in your country! I do not see him much on currency notes nowadays.

Arrey Baba not that Gandhi...Keyur Gandhi and his Agency team. We talked again of laptops, VPN,payments, cheques and a host of things none of which you will understand. Mahatma lives in our hearts...at least in some hearts, I should say. As if this was not enough, another long call happened with Preeti Gulshan SV.

That's nice that you spoke to a pretty Gulshan SV...who is she?

Uff! You are just too much! They are three separate people...my zonal heads for Broking...Preeti Talwar comma Gulshan Jain comma SVS. By then it was pretty late, so asked my wife, What's for dinner?’’ She said, ‘I have made some khichadi and garam pakodas. And let me tell you our Bengali khichudi is not like the hospital watery stuff they give people affected by you...it is pretty exotic with lots of veggies and ghee.

So finally you had a good dinner

Good dinner, my big foot! The moment the hot khichudi was served, I loved the look of it and could not wait to devour it. But then she put the pakodas in front and I could not believe what she had given me. I got up, washed my eyes and wore my spectacles to confirm...look what I had on my plate...

Hey that's me! How ingenious...you guys are too good, and so I want to stay here longer.

Arrey Baba tum Wuhan se Aaaya Yahaan abhi Yahaan se Apne Ghar Jaona, Dear Corona.

Hopefully you are not going to office tomorrow?

No I will be working from home.

Last Line

Cheers to all. Stay Happy Stay Healthy. May God Bless you, your families, friends, colleagues and all. May the nightmare get over soon.Hope things get better and we soon change from WFH to the place where we used to meet, greet and enjoy our daily work together.Stay indoors and do not venture out. Caution and Calmness is the need of the hour. Humankind has seen many a calamity and has overcome each one of them. This too shall pass.

24^th March 20

By the time our yesterday’s conversation reached the point of food, it was almost day break. The person sleeping beside me, unaware of the presence of the Extra Terrestrial in the room, got up and opened up the window.

Who is this?

My wife?

Who is a wife?

It is complicated and good that you do not know about this or else you would not have been roaming around so freely like this, not answerable to anyone.

ET flew across to the window and made a gesture as if asking me to come close, and I did. I could see the birds outside. After how long had I heard the sparrow chirping and saw a host of parrots perched on the cable wire, swinging away unconcerned….the road looked so desolate but clean and the air so fresh…it seemed I had landed on another beautiful part of the world.

Hey you seem to be liking all this.

Yes, but don’t know for how long, can’t say. 

Just then Alexa began to play an old Hindi song….Zindagi kaisi hai paheli hai….kabhi yeh hansaye, kabhi yeh roolaye…

That’s nice music and what do those lines mean.

It says life is a mystery, sometimes it makes you happy and at other it makes you sad. It is from a movie called ‘Anand’ which means happiness and that's something you have taken away from our lives.

Don’t blame me for all the mess. You will be surprised that I got a letter of appreciation from someone called Greta in Sweden. She said I had single handedly brought down the pollution all over the world. The air over China is clean, you can now breathe in Delhi and dolphins have come back into the canals of Venice. The world is now a much cooler place and so Greta said she can now travel by normal aircraft and not solar powered ones.

Hope she knows that all planes are grounded…everything is at a standstill. Thanks to you!

The song that’s playing is good but I like another song I heard in your land. I have made it my caller tune.

Which one?

Apna time aayega… I think it from the movie ‘Gully Boy’ and the song goes like this....

Kaun bola mujh se na ho payega

Tu uthh ja apni raakh se

Mere jaisa shaana lala

Tujhe na mil payega

Tu yeh ….hi toh aaya tha,

Tu ….leke jayega…

How true! You have actually now made sure that both Mukesh Bhai of Antila and Suresh Bhai of Ghatkopar have forgotten the Dalal Street as you have turned the world into Halal Street…empty handed we came, and shall go with nothing in our hands…so that is your message. But you don’t know us. We have seen darker days and scarier nights and we have overcome them all. If it is rap that you understand, then let me reply to you in your style.

Sunn bay keedey

Tu mujhse na jeet paayega

Maine bahut se jung jeetey hain

Yeh bhi main jeet jaaunga

Tu jahan se aaya hai

Wahin pe laut jayega

Tu mujhse na jeet paayega

Tu akela aaya hai, tu akela hi chala jayega

Apna bhi time jaldi hi aayega!!

Last Line: Yes! We Shall Overcome. Stay Safe, Stay Fit and Stay Happy. Bad days do not last long, good friends and family stay long and so united we stand in this fight…connected at hearts yet keeping safe distance.

25^th March 20

Who Saat Din has now become Yeh Ikkis Din as the lockdown is extended from 31^st March to 14^th April but the virus does not seem to go and leave my side. It is pretty irritating and does not seem to go.

Hello, dirty fellow with a beard, will you tell me what do you do?

Look Mr Corona, I am not dirty. I have been cleaning my hands for twenty seconds at the drop of a hat. As far as the beard is concerned in Indian history there was once a brave king Maharana Pratap who promised to himself that until he got his lost Kingdom of Mewar back from the Mughal conquerors, he would not shave. I, too, am a brave Indian and shall not shave till the virus, that is you, leaves my country and my planet. And look at my hands, they have gone all dry and at this rate will soon run out of soap or else my hands will vanish, having rubbed them so hard daily for so long. And please, correct your question; it is not what  I do, but what I used to do.

But still, what did you do for a living till I took the daylight out of your life? I saw your business card…it reads very impressive something Executive which tells me you are not labour class, but someone  of a higher echelon. Is that correct?

Bhai, I don't know which class I am. I am a dying breed. I am a Marine Underwriter.

How fascinating! And what does that mean? And please don’t tell me, it is complicated.

How do I explain to you…it is supposed to insure risks that goods face when in transit.

That’s really complex and complicated but would be nice if you were to explain it in a simpler manner.

Ok, let me try.

Corona & Company wishes to move virus from Wuhan in China to Anywhere in the World, including all sanctioned countries and Iran.

As a commodity, you will be categorized as pharmaceutical related. Are your temperature sensitive, by any chance?

Ha ha…some say I can survive up to 30 degrees but actually I can survive in all climes!

Your mode of transit surely will be air, primarily but maybe you can do it by all modes.

As far as packing is concerned, it must be lose in bulk.

I am not too sure how to put a value to you but possibly a couple of trillion dollars if not more for that is what you are going to cost the world.

Mr. Corona, may I ask you as to what are you susceptible to…like what can destroy the virus?

Almost nothing! I am omnipotent, omnipresent and omnidirectional and so far nothing actually can go wrong with me.

In marine terms we call such cargo as stable and clients can take Basic Covers against fire, lightning and accidents but in actual fact you are All Risks for the entire the human race.

Wondering what warranties and exclusions to affix… hmmmm…Excluding Rusting Oxidation Discolouration; Mechanical Electrical Electronic Derangement…I do not think these will apply to you. Ah, one thing we insist. ‘Warranted proper labeling is done in bold that the cargo in transit is as per IMDG Code Highly Dangerous and Contagious. Carriers are to maintain distance of two metres from any other objects including human beings and people handling it must be medically certified fit after a minimum fourteen days of quarantine and should wear N95 mask'.

 Finally, loss or damage to the cargo will have no salvage and its destruction shall be fully paid for by the insurers without any limits.

You do this thing called marine insurance for free?

Almost! We were generally doing all our businesses almost free of cost till some of us met and said this much and no more. But still, it is pretty cheap and yet people haggle for bringing the price even lower. For you, we will charge the minimum overseas rate of 0.015% and since you have come to us through a human agent, the agent in this case will get no commission but shall lose his license for bringing death to our doorstep.

I must admit, you do quite a work! Completely impressed!!

Last Line

While we can have our fun but remember we are amidst grave danger and only we can rescue planet earth. Those comical characters Superman, Batman, Captain America, Thor are all on leave and we have to maintain hygiene, maintain social distancing and stay disciplined. The pains and losses of ikkis din will soon be overturned once we are back, up and running. We want you safe, your friends and families safe so do your work from home more than you ever did from your office.

We Are The Champions.

SS