EESH PHISH EELISH

I am a proud Bengali Bhadralok

Brought up in rightful tradition

Of admiring Robi Thakur, Netaji and Football

We may have our differences of red and blue colours

But one thing we Bengalis are united

Is our laabh (love) for Phish

When Mohun Bagan wins

We eat chingri (prawns)

When East Bengal wins

It is eelish(hilsa) time in Bengali homes.

Phish makes us Bengalis bhery intelligent

So we believe.

It was a Big Day

My laabhing Phaathar & Maathar- in-laws were coming

Ginni (Bengali for housewife) said get maachh

Not just any maachh

But Eelish, King of Phish

Get fresh good eelish

Tell your blaady Salauddin

If it is not

“Maatha phatiye debo”

In short, will break the fishmonger’s head if not good.

Meekly I took a tholi (bag)

In my Panjabi (kurta) and check- kata lungi

Went to bajaar

Salauddin was waiting

Dada come, come

Good eelish today

When I asked for the price

Babu, why worry

Enjoy phish and pay me later

Don’t pay if not good

This one is from Allahabad

This one’s from Howrah

And this speshaal is from Bangladesh

When I asked the price of the last one

Wished Salauddin would take EMIs at times.

Anyway took the full eelish home

Gave it to Ginni

Who stared at it

Flicked the gill to check

mmm…looks alright

As she washed the phish

I gave her a two rupee coin

She started removing the scales

I wonder why she can’t use

The same two rupee coin

To rub herself clean

Instead she goes to Femina Beauty Parlaar

And when she returns

She stands like model before me

And asks, how do I look

I find no difference in her

Between before and after parlaar

But have to say like phamous inglish singer

“Darling you look wonderful tonight”

Ginni then took out her boti

Boti is like a machete

With a wooden base

She sat down

Pulled up her saree…

No you blaady idiots, stop imagining!

Only a little bit up

Just up to her knee level

And began to cut the phish

While I stood behind a curtain

Like a little boy

Waiting for the ekjam rejalt to come out.

One strong stroke…swoosh

And the head gave way

She smiled as she saw the blood

Passed with distinction… said to myself

But seeing her with the head of phish

Remembered Ma Kali

She too stands with heads all over

With a khadga (curved sword) in hand

And chopped heads all over her

And when she realizes the one she was looking for

Is beneath her pheet

On realizing her folly

She sticks out her tongue…

Eeesshh what a mish!

This is my modern interpretation

Apologies to sentiments of others

Who may have heard otherwise

That’s Banglar Ginni

And you all thought

Bengali woman only dances

Like Madhuri with lal alta on feet

Swinging and singing dola re dola re dola

And the poor Bhadralok

Is even now always found like Shib Thakur

Right there below Ginni’s pheet!

Nothing of the eelish maachh is wasted

Tel or fish oil is a delicacy

Fry it and yum.. it tastes labhly with bhaat.

With its head you cannot make muri ghonto

(Please do not pronounce ghanta

Speak with marble in mouth

And you get correct way to speak Bengali)

You can however make chhachra

Which is cooked with pui saag.

Then there is egg (roe) of the phish

From which you make the tastiest pakoras

Better than the best caviar.

Then with the peti 

The triangular cut belly

You make eelish fry.

Put eelish in mastard oil

Bengalis like it best in this oil

The smell, the flavor, the crunchiness

Is best in mastard oil.

Ask any Bengali

He will tell mastard oil is best for heart

Best for putting on your skin in winter

Go east, go west

Mastard oil is the best.

With the rest you can do many a thing

Make simple jhol

Made in nigella seeds  and egg plants

Then there is shorshe eelish

This one is speshal

Made with mastard paste

The fish tastes heavenly

But it is not for the weak hearted

For it has a tang and taste which is unique.

Finally you could make the most special dish

Eelish maachher paaturi

Which is phish wrapped in banana leaves, then steamed

Baat remembar never eat phish with both hands

Bhery non Bengali like

Use only one hand

Lots of kaanta(bones) in eelish

No Bengali except possibly an Air Marshall

Has ever died singing

Kaanta laga…hai laga…kyon laga

Kaanta laga.

You may say Life is a Jhol, Maacher Jhol but honestly Ginni makes it taste wonderful, she is Bhery Good…upon God I say. Not joking, you know.

SS