Something Fishy

Haseena and Hilsa are the two trouble spots in India’s relationship with our neighbour on the eastern part of the country. While I am sure the EAM will manage the first problem sooner than later, for us Bongs, the Hilsa is the bigger ‘bone’ of contention. Bangladesh has refused to continue with the export of thousands of tons of hilsa or ilish from Padma river during the pre-Durga Puja period. What is so special about this fish? No one other than a Bong will know. It is not just a fish…. bringing home this silver scaled fish is an emotion…. preparing in mustard paste is sheer euphoria…eating this shiny-eyed fish  with its infinite fine bristling bones is nostalgia and much more. 

Sharing a funny take on this Piscean Royalty written in Bonglish script almost a decade ago. 

EESH PHISH EELISH 

I am a proud Bangali Bhadralok

Brought up in rightful tradition
Of admiring Robi Thakur, Netaji and Phootball
We may have our differences of red and blue colours
But one thing we Bengalis are united
Is our laabh (love) for Phish
When Mohun Bagan wins
We eat chingri (prawns)
When East Bengal wins
It is eelish (hilsa) time in Bengali homes.
Phish makes us Bengalis bhery intelligent
So we believe.

It was a Big Day
My laabhing Phaadaar & Maadaar- in-laws were coming
Ginni (Bengali for housewife) said get maachh
Not just any maachh
But Eelish, King of Phish
Get fresh good eelish
Tell your blaady Salauddin
(Salauddin is my fishmonger of old)
If it is not fresh
“Maatha phatiye debo”
In short, will break the fishmonger’s head if not good.

Meekly I took a tholi (bag)
In my Panjabi (kurta) and check- kata lungi
Went to bajaar
Salauddin was waiting
Dada come, come
Good eelish today
When I asked for the price
Babu, why worry
Enjoy phish and pay me later
Don’t pay if not good
This one is from Allahabad
This one’s from Howrah
And this speshaal is from Bangladesh
When I asked the price of the last one
Wished Salauddin would take EMIs at times.

Anyway took the full eelish home
Gave it to Ginni
Who stared at it
Flicked the gill to check
mmm…looks alright
As she washed the phish
I gave her a two-rupee coin
She started removing the scales
I wonder why she can’t use
The same two-rupee coin
To scrub herself clean
Instead she goes to Femina Beauty Parlaar
And when she returns
She stands like model before me
And asks, how do I look
I find no difference in her
Between the look before and after parlaar
But have to say like phamous inglish singer
“Darling you look wonderful tonight”

Ginni then took out her bothi
Bothi is like a machete
With a wooden base
She sat down
Pulled up her saree…
No you blaady idiots, stop imagining!
Only a little bit up
Just up to her knee level
And began to cut the phish
While I stood behind a curtain
Like a little boy
Waiting for the ekjam rejaalt to come out.
One strong stroke…swoosh
And the head gave way
She smiled as she saw the blood
Passed with distinction… said to myself
But seeing her with the head of phish
Remembered Ma Kali
She too stands with heads all over
With a khadga (curved sword) in hand
And chopped heads all over her
This is my modern interpretation
Apologies to sentiments of others
Who may have heard otherwise
That’s Banglar Ginni
And you all thought
Bengali women were always dancing
Like Madhuri with lal alta on feet
Swinging and singing dola re dola re dola

Nothing of the eelish maachh is wasted
Tel or fish oil is a delicacy
Fry it and yum… it tastes labhly with bhaat.
With its head you cannot make muri ghonto
(Please do not pronounce ghanta
Speak with marble in mouth
And you get correct way to speak Bengali)
You can however make chhachra
Which is cooked with pui saag.
Then there is egg (roe) of the phish
From which you make the tastiest pakoras
Better than the best caviar.
Then with the peti
The triangular cut belly
You make eelish fry.
Put eelish in mastard oil
Bengalis like it best in this oil
The smell, the flavor, the crunchiness
Ask any Bengali
He will tell mastard oil is good for heart
Best for putting on your skin in winter
Go east, go west
Mastard oil is the best.

With the rest you can do many a thing

Make simple jhol
Made in nigella seeds and egg plants
Then there is shorshe eelish
This one is speshal
Made with mastard paste
The fish tastes heavenly
But it is not for the weak hearted
For it has a tang and taste which is unique.
Finally, you could make the most special dish
Eelish maachher paaturi
Which is phish wrapped in banana leaves, then steamed
Baat remembhar never eat phish with both hands
Bhery non Bengali like
Use only one hand
Lots of kaanta(bones) in eelish
No Bengali except possibly an Air Marshall
Has ever died singing
Kaanta laga…hai laga…kyon laga
Kaanta laga.

You may say Life is a Jhol, Maacher Jhol but honestly Ginni makes it taste wonderful, she is Bhery Good…upon God I say. Not joking, you know.

SS

Picture courtesy: Internet