RUMBLINGS OF A TRAUMATIZED TUMMY

Kudi kendi pehle Jaguar ley lo

Fir jinna chahe pyaar ley lo

What’s that?

It’s Surender’s phone ring tone.

Who’s Surender?

Our taxi wallah for the trip.

Oh..ok…funny ring tone..asking the poor fellow to buy a Jaguar car first for my love. Where are we heading for?

Pal Dhaba…it is here that the proud Chandigarh entertained the Canadian PM to dinner in an authentic dhaba. This GK fact was given by Surender.

What are we eating there?

Butter chicken with 14 big pieces, butter naan and lassi.

You fool why don’t you have the lassi with butter as well…you relish the food and I have to suffer.

As I chewed butter chicken, you could get the real flavor of butter and well marinated chicken. It was simply delicious.

Arrey bus bhi kar…kitna khayega bhai…digest toh mujhe karna padega…

After the wonderful lunch we were on our way to Amritsar. It was a long drive and made longer by a traffic jam caused by an examination being held at Lovely University. Surender told us Lovely Univ was set up by a Halwai…sweet shop owner from Jallandhar who was famous all over Punjab. He made so much money that he set up a college and now a university out of it.

Lovely University…lovely name…funny

It’s not funny. Every day they air TV commercials and show how modern a place it is with skating rink and bowling alleys.

So do they teach students how to make sweets there?

That’s not funny…they teach students every discipline from engineering to management.

We are stopping for some snacks at Haveli…it’s a huge place with village like appearance and everything to eat.

Don’t eat anything now. Can’t you hear the rumble of the butter chicken in me…

I listened to the inner voice or should I say the advice given by my stomach and just had a chocolate ice cream while clicking pictures with traditionally dressed Punjabi dancers.

Kudi kendi pehle Jaguar ley lo

Fir jinna chahe pyaar ley lo

Haanji…ab asi Amritsar pahunch gaye.

Have heard so much about the food of Amritsar so let us go to Bharawan Da Dhaba.

Areey have some simple dal roti and go to sleep for today…don’t spoil your trip to the Golden Temple tomorrow with this unending gorging bout of yours.

We instead landed next to Bharawan to Big Brothers Dhaba and ordered methi paneer and special Amritsari firni.

Hey this is very different…palak paneer we’ve had before but never methi paneer…this is nice Big Brother.

At 2am the alarm went off and we got dressed silently to go to the Golden Temple. By 2.30am we were there expecting to be the first entrants through the Holy Gates….alas we were mistaken…badly and sadly mistaken….there were people and people and people all over…some awake, some sleeping on the floor and some cleaning the temple complex. As we walked towards the gate to Harmandir Sahib, we started getting pushed around….one push and we stepped ahead a few steps and the reverse swing took us back even further from where were started….hordes and hordes of people of all hues and sizes. After 45 minutes of getting squeezed from all directions, we just walked out of the sea of humanity, jumped a barricade and felt a sense of relief. It was Somwaar ki Amavasya which is very auspicious and so the mad rush at the temple.

Where are you going…you promised to have the kada prasad at the Golden Temple…better get me some of it now.

I looked around to see a section of the temple where people were standing in queue and coming out with prasad. I handed M a hundred rupee note and asked her to stand in the ladies queue while I stood in the other. My turn came first and after getting a receipt I got a plate full of halwa or kada prasad with ghee sprinkled all over. I quickly walked across to pull M out of the queue saying there was enough prasad in one plate and we will never be able to finish two. As we looked for a place to eat the halwa, we were told by an elderly man…jao line mein khadey ho jao…in short we had to go back in the mad rush to enter Harmandir Sahab and this prasad was not for our eating but offering it to the temple….

No, no we can’t go back there. Please help us.

The old man took pity and we handed over the plate to another sikh couple who had the courage to bear the brunt of the crowd…faith prevails when all fails.

No, I want to have the kada prasad and am not going without it.

Baba ji where can we get some prasad?

The old man took us to a lucky lady who emerged after Darshan and asked for a little prasad, she readily offered, we thanked her and tasted the prasad….simply heavenly.

Aaah…this was real good man…wish you had some more of it.

No, this is all what we managed.

You’re selfish..what you want you eat and eat and when it comes to me, you’re so frugal.

We stayed there till 7 am seeing the temple change colours as day broke…from darkness to dawn to bright sunshine.

What’s for breakfast?

Aloo parantha with chunks of butter on top and a bowl full of dahi.

Don’t eat so much butter…do you know your age?

You only live once and in Punjab the water is so good that everything gets digested quickly. We ate and ate and then quickly went on to take a small nap before getting ready for the big day at Wagah Border.

Kudi kendi pehle Jaguar ley lo

Fir jinna chahe pyaar ley lo

Surender dropped us at the main market place and gave us a brief map of how to reach Kesar da Dhaba. His explanation failed and so did Google map…somehow we reached the place…it was an old simple place with no modern amenities. We slumped on the wooden bench and asked for the menu…the world famous Kesar Dhaba started in 1916..99 years ago. We went for gobi and paneer parantha and famous lassi.

Don’t have the pickle…you’re bound to fall sick…you’re not used to so much parantha…you are a Bangali used to maach bhaat and here you are ill treating me. Soon your gelusil will give way to norfloxacin if you continue at this rate.

How can I give these places a miss…they say Amritsar is a foodie’s paradise…let me eat now, will think of the medicine when the time comes.

We relished the food and the lassi with malai on top was simple mind blowing. With our full tank we embarked on a patriotic mission to Wagah Border. Fortunately a friend had arranged for the VIP passes and we sat there…this time with only water to drink my stomach got the break it was looking for. Wagah was a tamasha…just like in Sunny Deol’s movies…lots of sound and antics and people for once showing their true love for Bharat Mata.

On our way back it was dinner time. We were hungry again. Of all the options we had at Amritsar, like true Bengali we chose to go to Makhan Fish and let me tell you with all honesty the pheesh phry was something I will give phool marks to Makhan ji. This was followed by chicken bharta and tandoori roti. By now the sounds below the lungs started growing louder…simple rumbling, louder gurgling…every sound you could hear but dil maange more…

Went to sleep but got up after sometime with the acidic feeling.

See I told you…you wouldn’t listen and now you suffer…I am sick…completely sick, you fool.

We’ll see tomorrow. No reason to panic now. Let me sleep now..you always exaggerate.

Next morning the noises grew louder. As I sat on Hindware the danger now was real….went in 3 times in quick succession. Phew! Took NorfloxTZ tablet and woke up M. We were to leave for Chandigarh in the morning but wouldn’t leave Amritsar without having the Amritsari kulcha…so off we went to Big Brothers Dhaba and ordered for the ultimate dish, Amritsari Kulcha.

Bhai marwayega tu…Norflox ke saath kulchey choley…sitting with a doctor, God Bless you.

The food was just out of this world and bravely I finished the huge kulcha.

Should I have a second? I asked.

No…No don’t you dare…Stop now before I explode.

So I listened to the voice below and climbed on to the taxi. As we reached Chandigarh, our last stop was Tehal Singh Chicken…smooth and delicious…enjoyed every morsel…ended with a full strip of NorflozTZ but no regret…it was all pure joy. Amritsar is a true foodie paradise and you might eat off your fingers instead of just licking them…it's heavenly food everywhere, every nook and corner is Ambrosia, food for Gods.

Kudi kendi pehle Amritsari parantha kha lo

Fir jinna chahe medicine ley lo.

SS