Happy Dussehra

At Fort Unchagaon, a heritage resort about 115 kms from Delhi, a father and son duo had come to spend their weekend. After having explored the fort and the riverside, they went up for a rooftop barbecue dinner where they enjoyed the finest grilled meat and fish. The other guests left the place one by one and then the people serving. The younger man ran down and brought a bed spread and two pillows and lay them on the floor of the roof. The father and the son went down and spread their arms and legs in utter freedom enjoying the cool October northern wind blowing on their faces and a beautifully painted sky with sparkling diamonds looking down upon them.

Dad, this is the third Durga Puja since Ma left us and you plan a trip out of Delhi.

Yes. Durga Puja without your Mom at home can never be Pujas. You remember how she would make sure we went out with her to buy our clothes and shoes well in time. Then, she would chalk out the plans for all the puja pandals to visit and at what time….everything with her had to be perfect and nothing was left to chance. And who can forget the ashtami when she would fast till offering pushanjali while you and I would quickly rush to the chop-cutlet stall while she stood in the queue for prasad. Finally, remember the way she would invite all your friends home for bijoya making so many dishes and sweets and to top it all she would make sure you all finished them to the last morsel in that one evening.

The son rolled towards the father and wrapped his arms and legs around him…Oh Baba!

Dad, I think you need company. This loneliness is not good for you. I have my job at Bangalore and there is little chance for me to find a similar profile at Delhi.

Are you suggesting that I get married again…ha ha…you must be crazy to even  to think about it.

No Dad. All I am saying that you join some of these social media apps like WA, FB, Instagram and even Tinder. You will find company that never sleeps and keeps you engrossed with jokes, gossip, politics, religion…you name it, you’ve got it! Who knows one day you will get connected to someone to whom you could reach out on a different level and live a full life again. After all in life there is never a full stop till this thing inside you stops beating…dhakdhak…dhakdhak.

Enjoy the night and forget finding a woman for me. You work on your life. You are almost thirty. You have been doing all that you are asking me to do and yet haven’t found yourself a suitable girl. It is time you stop running after girls and work on things that make you a better man, build your character and strength. Surely your FB will not take you there.

The son sat up while the father continued to lie down. This is where you are wrong, Dad. Let me tell you why a woman and falling in love makes you a better person.

Beta, girls make you a better man is some statement…must be a line you would have picked up somewhere on one of your so called social media universities where such education is free.

I am serious Dad. Let me try and clarify my statement. It was Bijoya Dashami yesterday for us and it is also called Dashera in most other parts of the country. This word Dashera has its origin in the Sanskrit word Dasha-Hara which means removal of ten bad qualities in you. When you are in love, it is that state when Dasha-Hara comes to life. Krodha or anger and amanavta or cruelty gives way to love and compassion for all; your ego or ahankara and mada or pride have no place or price in this world; your attachment or moha is not to any other material thing; swartha or selfishness and lobha or greed lose their relevance when sharing and giving. When in love, anyaaya or injustice loses relevance as you go overboard to be more than nice and the scale of justice always tilts in favour of your loved ones..…Dad, what more do you want?

Beta, I am quite impressed with your erudite reasoning but if anyone were to follow you, it would be the Asta-patha or the Eightfold Path and not Dasha-Hara. You conveniently left out the two most vital of the bad qualities thinking that my dad is now an old man and will never know if I skip a few just to prove my point. Yes I am growing old, but not that old…ha ha.

No Baba, I had not spoken of the remaining two thinking whether you will feel a little embarrassed at my talking about them. Now that you have said it, let me clarify that we should look at Kama vasana or lust and matsara or jealousy in the positive spirit. Kama is nothing but procreation and somewhere all love leads to it but why give it a negative outlook. Everyone feels the need for it and there is nothing wrong about it as long as we can keep the devil in check and control. As far as jealousy is concerned, you may feel protective and want the person you love just to be yours and no one else’s. I see nothing wrong with it. More importantly than the ones I just spoke about, there are some more things love teaches you….patience, focused approach and aim for perfection.

You keep waiting for that one look, for that one mail, for that one call….you know how restless I used to be but now look at me…calm and cool as MSD. Never am I perturbed or in any hurry when it comes to this one role I play so often. Patience and calmness leads to you going into a meditative approach where you focus on that one thing that you want, desire and wait for. How many times Ma and you tried to take me to the yoga classes where the guru ji would teach us meditation. It never worked because my heart was not in it. Now, when I close my eyes, I can see her face, dream of her and nothing else…if this is not meditation then what is? Finally, Dad, in anything that I do, I want to be sure that it is right and perfect the first time be it the wrapping paper on the gift, the clothes I wear, the mails that I send, the words I utter….I check, double check and then proceed. Remember how you would ask me to revise my answer sheets once, to do a check on any silly mistakes I would have made, before handing them over to the invigilators? I never did it. In fact, I always claimed to my friends that I would make sure that I was always the first student out of the examination hall every time. Now look at me….love has changed me and, I am sure, you will say for the better.

I am terribly impressed, son. While William Wordsworth meant to say something different when he said ‘The Child is father of the Man’, I have to admit, rishtey mein tum hamare baap lagtey ho! It is already 2am and we should catch up on our sleep as we have to go for a hike tomorrow.

No, Dad, don’t avoid the issue. You need company and that is where we started this entire treatise on love. Now tell me what do we do next?

Come on Beta, you know all these things are of the Western world where they happen commonly. In India, for people of our generation, we would marry once and live with the same person during the person’s lifetime and, thereafter, live with the happy memories.

Dad, you will be lying to yourself if you were to tell me that Ma was the only one you ever loved in all your sixty years. Surely, you would have fallen in love many times when in school, college, at work and, who knows, even when you were married to Ma, you may have liked someone but never had the courage to talk about it or take a step forward. Bas dil mein hi baat reh gayi hogi?

We have all had our childhood crushes but those happened decades ago. What is the point of bringing them up now? They would be living their own lives in some part of the world.

Let us do it as a fun game. Name these girls and women and then we will decide whom to trace.

Now the father, too, got up and sat down and with a smile on his face pulled out a pen and a piece of paper which appeared to be the reverse of the rooftop dinner bill and started scribbling.

School days in 70s- Mimi

College days in 80s- Rupa

Work time in 90s- Zoya

Since the last one would be an easy thing for you to locate, let me see my bright techie boy locating my school time crush.

Dad, before I begin my search, give me some more clues like her proper name, something more about her school, family.

Mimi or Anupama Basu was a couple of years younger to me studying in St. Martin’s Covent at Delhi. Her father was in the postal department and she had an elder brother, Shouvik who went on to become a doctor. I knew her school timings and would often wait at the gate as she would come out with her friends and walk home while I followed her on my bicycle. Those twenty minutes of slow cycling were the best time of those days and I never missed being there daily. In the evening, I would again cycle around her place and wait for her to go to the market or the library. I would dream of her, write her name on the last page of my note books and even try my hand at poetry. Whenever I heard those romantic Dev Anand songs, I would imagine me singing and Mimi dancing.

Dad that’s quite romantic and surely you never spoke about this to Ma…ha ha….anyway this information should be good enough for my search….here I go to the school alumni site and check for this lady and also run a search for Doctor Shouvik Basu as well.

As the father waited anxiously, the son worked frantically on his iPad with the multiple searches then going to Google, Linkedin and FB….and then…

Yipeee Dad…look at these images and tell me which of these Anupamas is your Mimi.

The dad took the iPad in his hands and looked at the five choices before his eyes on the screen. He clearly saw the girl of his dreams, though now a fine lady, quite easily but told his son that he was confused and could not decide.

Dad, you are faking now. No one can forget their first crush and this is the one and I have checked her brother’s FB which also matches. She lives in Indore now with her family that includes a daughter who looks as pretty as the mother would have looked in your time.

The son opened up the FB page and was able to show the father the lady’s profile. The father was dazed and could not believe his eyes as he saw her photographs and, in one, she was the school girl he remembered her as.

Dad, tomorrow morning we are checking out and going to Delhi airport, from where we will take a flight to Indore to meet Anupama, not for anything else but to bring back some spark into your life. Surely, we will not disturb her happy family life but it will help you bring some zest back in yours. And after meeting her, we will start our search for Rupa and Zoya…. and , who knows, maybe I might get hooked to one of their lovely daughters.

The father smiled and looked up into the space above….a child, truly, is the father of man.

SS