10 Things I Hate About U-SA

Dear Diary

The year has been full of fun, adventure, surprise, love, and laughter. And the laughter has also been because of small incidents which were extremely frustrating and incredulous in the USA and I thought I would write about those today. The following observations are very personal views of an Indian student with malice to none. For those who will happen to peek into this diary, take it with a pinch of salt. 

1.     MMDDYY

I am sure all of you would have faced the initial hiccup of trying to adapt to the American date system. Yes, 9/11 did introduce most of us to the concept but using the system daily is a task, especially if all your documentation requires a date, like in my case, a doctor’s office. April 8^th can become August 4^th if you forget the order and the implications for both a patient and doctor would be obvious to all. I, for one, had to change the settings in my excel and numbers to ensure that the data entered had the USA format when I realized that the auto calculation of age and follow up period was suddenly coming up with negative values!

2. Casting the Wrong Spell and Choosing Sides

You write ‘Color’, I write ‘Colour’, you write ‘Tumor’, I write ‘Tumour’, you write ‘realize’, I write ‘realise’ because I have been doing that for the last 28 years of my life! I cannot suddenly usurp the Us or sleep away my Ss with Zzzz. The most irritating part, however, is the squiggly red line that comes on all your documents, recognizing the spelling as wrong! It is NOT wrong; it is technically the correct spelling that they have decided to be too tough for them to remember!

The next one is more ‘smirky smile’ experience than a truly frustrating one. Yes, the driver’s seat is on the left, but for someone who did not have to drive there, it hardly made any difference. But in America, it is not just the driving side that is flipped. The switches are flipped- what was on for you is actually off there. When you pick up a hole punch to punch two holes in your paper, remember to put the paper in from the other side because, yes, they have even flipped the sides for this simple object!

Talking about sides, Americans do not use even the SI units that is universally followed throughout the world. The km become miles, and the kg become pounds...you get the gist. If converting dollars to rupees and vice versa was not enough, you must now convert the pounds of chicken you are buying to figure out if the quantity matches the requirement of the Indian recipe your mother has just sent!

One World Trade Centre, New York

3. Hi! How are you?

It is amusing how every single person, known, unknown, will greet you with "Hi! How are you?” But none wait for your reply. You open your mouth to say something, but either they are already gone or moved on to a different topic! I really do appreciate the politeness, but what if I am not fine? Or I would like to ask how you are doing?

4.   Options Galore

The options available in the stores can be both wonderful and woeful. You make a list of things to buy, say cheese, bread, eggs, tomatoes, onion, coffee, chocolate, and ice-cream. Now add to this, 20 options for each of these! I must have probably decided on my wedding clothes faster than the type of cheese I would want for that week. One thing is for sure, you will become quite decisive by the time you return from America!

5. Be Specific with only 3 letter words

Yes, we all know that Starbucks will not spell your name correctly and having made multiple attempts I just decided to stick to MRI for Starbucks. I once had to go to the post office to make a money order for making my rent payment. Again, it was strange that they were not willing to accept online transfer of funds. I went a day in advance to find out the documents I would require. I specified the amount, and very clearly asked if they would accept credit card and what kind of identification proof I would require. The person at the counter told me and I returned the next morning with the necessary details and papers. But now of course, with a larger amount, they would need my social security card! When I told him that I was not asked to bring it, he simply said that I had not asked about it! As I walked back to get the slip of paper, I realised for the first time that you have to be very specific and preferably ask ‘Yes’, ‘No’ or ‘OK’ type of direct questions! Speak slowly and follow the order that they know, even when placing an order in a restaurant. We once went for lunch and after placing the order, we asked “Could you please bring the fries first, we are really hungry.” After almost 45 minutes, when we could not fathom the reason for the delay, we asked what was taking so long. In the most matter of fact manner, she replied, “Oh would you like me to bring your sandwiches? They have been ready for a while. I was just waiting for the fries to get done because you wanted that first!”

Washington Monument through Cherry Blossoms, Washington DC

6. Race to the Finish, but Ignorance is Power

Diversity exists and for most parts the culture is inclusive. But racism does slip out, once in a while, in the most inadvertent manner. It is unnerving when they make statements like, “Oh you have buildings in your country?” or “Do you know what a hot dog is?”. Yes, we, the citizens of developing countries, do, and I am surprised you are not aware of it. A neighbour was once having trouble with his Wifi connection in our residential building and had contacted the University IT department. He handed the phone to me because the customer service person wanted to know if I was able to connect to Wifi and my university ID. As I was searching for the details I said, “Give me a minute, let me look it up. Although I am not sure if the WiFi is working for me because at the moment I am just using my network data.” I was shocked to receive the reply, “Just give me your ID. Why don’t you Indians just follow the instructions?” I very firmly pointed it out and did receive multiple apologies, but these small incidents do make you wonder where we are in the 21st Century.

Being ignorant and believing that the knowledge you have is ultimate, is the biggest weapon that you can wield! And Americans have abundance of it. Surprisingly, they have little interest or awareness of cultures, people, places and practices outside their own state or country. Simple acts, especially during interactions with patients, in department stores and even airline crew make you realise the confidence despite the dearth of awareness. I went to buy a suitcase to bring back the stuff I had bought in America. I asked the staff, “Could you tell me the dimensions of this suitcase?” After a good 30 seconds, he replied, “Do you want to know the price?” “No, the dimensions.” After another 30 seconds, he disappeared and came back with a senior. I repeated my query, “Why do you want to know the dimensions?” “I need it to make sure I meet the specifications of the airline.” “Which airline asks for that? I travel all the time, nobody has ever asked me for the dimensions.” I calmly replied that airlines specify, especially international flights. “It’s small, medium, or large. Which one do you want?” I realized I should come back with a measuring tape or conduct a search of the suitcase myself to find the written measurements. Finally, I did find one which had the measurements mentioned in the tag.

The skyscrapers along Chicago River, Chicago

7. Indians in America

It is funny when you interact with newly arrived Indians in America. They want to live there permanently, but they look down upon their own people and become judgemental. I was staying in the University campus and there was a common kitchen on our floor. It was good to interact with others occasionally. “You have already become American. Having bread and cereal for breakfast.” “You listen to only English music.” “She comes back late, she roams around by herself.” I did try to explain the initial few times, but later, would just smile and let things be. I would make the same breakfast and listen to same music even in India, America did not do that to me. I look to make things which are simple and quick. I listen to Hindi, Pakistani, English and Spanish music. Yes, I like to go to different places and am confident enough to do that alone, it is who I am, not what America has made me.

8. Find a Ride

I have seen four major cities in America on foot, Philadelphia, New York, Chicago, and Washington DC. Walked 17-23km in a day, got heavily tanned, much to my mother’s anguish, and enjoyed all sights and sounds thoroughly. I have travelled by Septa, Patco, Amtrak, Megabus, New York Subway, Metra, United and American Airlines. But very honestly, public transport is really not great in America. For people without their own car, a lot of places become inaccessible which is not the case in UK, Europe or South East Asia. 

City Hall, Philadelphia

9. Push the Panic button

Nearly 80%, if not 90%, of the patients mark anxiety and depression as their existing medical problems. Almost every patient expects or wants narcotics as pain killer. While these issues are known to most and it also shows the awareness of mental health problems in the country, having worked here, I realised that the threshold for stress and panic is extremely low! Minor things can trigger ‘stress’ among people. If you ask somebody to do more than one thing at a time, panic and anxiety are bound to result. It may be the way we have been conditioned here, but we are definitely better equipped to handle the ‘stress’. 

10. Gun-de,

“Don’t go anywhere. Just your hospital and the airport to come back home.” This was the response I got on the night of 4^th of July. Some of us had gone to the Benjamin Franklin Parkway to see the fireworks. We saw the Jason Derulo concert from a distance and, finally, made our way to the middle of the street to see the fireworks against the backdrop of the Philadelphia Museum of Arts. Five minutes into the display and the crowd suddenly started running madly. Unaware of what was happening, we also ran to make our way out of the crowd and chaos. We got separated and made are way back home alone. Later, we came to know that two police officers had been shot at. How do you not go to a supermarket or a mall? How do you not send your kids to school? How do you not celebrate a festival? These are questions that I believe even the Americans are waiting for an answer. 

I am grateful for the experience, I learnt a lot and I do not regret a single minute. But these were all part of the same experience and so deserve a mention. The fact that our group was a diverse lot, from India, Colombia and England, the non-Americans added to the fun of the moment.

Like we all fell in love with Patrick Verona, I, too, fell in love with America and most of all, its wonderful people!

In Kat’s own words,

“But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, 
Not even close, 
Not even a little bit, 
Not even at all”

Love

MS

Pictured Rocks on Lake Superior, Michigan